10 habits of happy couples
Excerpts from Mark Goulston's diaries.
10 habits of happy couples
-------------------------------------------------------
Happy couples know that the real relationship begins when the honeymoon is over. Unless you maintain a garden of love, it will grow weeds and its beauty will wither and die. So let's explore 10 habits of highly happy couples:
1. Go to bed at the same time. Remember the beginning of your relationship, when you couldn't wait to go to bed with each other to make love? Happy couples resist the temptation to go to bed at different times. They go to bed at the same time, even if one partner wakes up later to do things while their partner sleeps.
2. Cultivate common interests. After the passion settles down, it's common to realize that you have few interests in common. But don't minimize the importance of activities you can do together that you both enjoy. If common interests are not present, happy couples develop them. At the same time, be sure to cultivate interests of your own; this will make you more interesting to your mate and prevent you from appearing too dependent.
3. Walk hand in hand or side by side. Rather than one partner lagging or dragging behind the other, happy couples walk comfortably hand in hand or side by side. They know it's more important to be with their partner than to see the sights along the way.
4. Make trust and forgiveness your default mode. If and when they have a disagreement or argument, and if they can't resolve it, happy couples default to trusting and forgiving rather than distrusting and begrudging.
5. Focus more on what your partner does right than what he or she does wrong. If you look for things your partner does wrong, you can always find something. If you look for what he or she does right, you can always find something, too. It all depends on what you want to look for. Happy couples accentuate the positive.
6. Hug each other as soon as you see each other after work. Our skin has a memory of good touch (loved), bad touch (abused), and no touch (neglected). Couples who say hello with a hug keep their skin bathed in the good touch, which can inoculate your spirit against anonymity in the world.
7. Say I love you and Have a good day every morning. This is a great way to buy some patience and tolerance as each partner sets out each day to battle traffic jams, long lines and other annoyances.
8. Say Good night every night, regardless of how you feel. This tells your partner that, regardless of how upset you are with him or her, you still want to be in the relationship. It says that what you and your partner have is bigger than any single upsetting incident.
9. Do a weather check during the day. Call your partner at home or at work to see how his or her day is going. This is a great way to adjust expectations so that you're more in sync when you connect after work. For instance, if your partner is having an awful day, it might be unreasonable to expect him or her to be enthusiastic about something good that happened to you.
10. Be proud to be seen with your partner. Happy couples are pleased to be seen together and are often in some kind of affectionate contact -- hand on hand or hand on shoulder or knee or back of neck. They are not showing off but rather just saying that they belong with each other.
Even if these actions don't come naturally, happy couples stick with them until they do become a part of their relationship. They know that it takes 30 days for a change in behavior to become a habit, and a minimum of six months for a habit to become a way of life and love.
################################################################
15 Secrets of Happy Families
Experts reveal the key ingredients to a happy family life.
From the Brady Bunch and Partridge Family to the Cleavers, Cunninghams, and Cosbys, images of happy families have rarely been in short supply. We all have ideas about what they should look like.
Does yours fit the portrait of a happy family? If not, don't despair. Now WebMD is letting you in on a few of the secrets to a happy family. You, too, can experience some of the domestic bliss that seemed previously reserved just for TV families.
Happy Family Secret No. 1: Enjoy Each Other
The essence of a happy family is that they truly uplift each other and that all comes down to how they treat each other, says Rabbi Shmuley Boteach, a New York-based family and relationship counselor and host of The Learning Channel’s Shalom in the Home. There is a joy that characterizes their interaction, says Boteach, father of eight children and author of several books, including the forthcoming Shalom in the Home. Parents come home and the kids are happy to see them and when kids come home, the parents are happy to see them.”
Happy Family Secret No. 2: Swap Stories
When your kids come home, ask them what happened in school and have a story for them, he says. If you come home dejected and not really interested and then five minutes later the TV is on, why would they be happy to see you?
The bottom line, he says, is that when you come home, your kids have to come first. You must drop everything you are doing and always come home with something to share with your kids, whether a story or even the smallest vignette, he says. This way you give your kids something to look forward to. The great bane of family life is boredom and that is what leads to dysfunction, affairs, and kids wanting to be with their friends over family.
Happy Family Secret No. 3: Put the Marriage First
Set a real example of love, Boteach says. The relationship and marriage must come first. Think Carol and Mike Brady of the Brady Bunch and Cliff and Clair Huxtable of the Cosby Show.
There are many families where kids always come first, says Boteach. Then they become substitute providers of love, he says. “That's an unfair burden to put on a kid. It’s also bad for families, he says, “because kids will move out of the house eventually.
Happy Family Secret No. 4: Break Bread Together
Families that eat together, stay together. It's that simple. Family dinners are essential, Boteach says. It’s a time to connect. Have a minimum of four family dinners per week, he suggests.
Happy Family Secret No. 5: Play Together
Have one or two unifying activities that the family does together on a nightly basis, Boteach says. He suggests bedtime stories for young children or reading a chapter from a novel to an older child.
Happy Family Secret No. 6: Put Family Before Friends
In happy families, family comes before friends
10 habits of happy couples
-------------------------------------------------------
Happy couples know that the real relationship begins when the honeymoon is over. Unless you maintain a garden of love, it will grow weeds and its beauty will wither and die. So let's explore 10 habits of highly happy couples:
1. Go to bed at the same time. Remember the beginning of your relationship, when you couldn't wait to go to bed with each other to make love? Happy couples resist the temptation to go to bed at different times. They go to bed at the same time, even if one partner wakes up later to do things while their partner sleeps.
2. Cultivate common interests. After the passion settles down, it's common to realize that you have few interests in common. But don't minimize the importance of activities you can do together that you both enjoy. If common interests are not present, happy couples develop them. At the same time, be sure to cultivate interests of your own; this will make you more interesting to your mate and prevent you from appearing too dependent.
3. Walk hand in hand or side by side. Rather than one partner lagging or dragging behind the other, happy couples walk comfortably hand in hand or side by side. They know it's more important to be with their partner than to see the sights along the way.
4. Make trust and forgiveness your default mode. If and when they have a disagreement or argument, and if they can't resolve it, happy couples default to trusting and forgiving rather than distrusting and begrudging.
5. Focus more on what your partner does right than what he or she does wrong. If you look for things your partner does wrong, you can always find something. If you look for what he or she does right, you can always find something, too. It all depends on what you want to look for. Happy couples accentuate the positive.
6. Hug each other as soon as you see each other after work. Our skin has a memory of good touch (loved), bad touch (abused), and no touch (neglected). Couples who say hello with a hug keep their skin bathed in the good touch, which can inoculate your spirit against anonymity in the world.
7. Say I love you and Have a good day every morning. This is a great way to buy some patience and tolerance as each partner sets out each day to battle traffic jams, long lines and other annoyances.
8. Say Good night every night, regardless of how you feel. This tells your partner that, regardless of how upset you are with him or her, you still want to be in the relationship. It says that what you and your partner have is bigger than any single upsetting incident.
9. Do a weather check during the day. Call your partner at home or at work to see how his or her day is going. This is a great way to adjust expectations so that you're more in sync when you connect after work. For instance, if your partner is having an awful day, it might be unreasonable to expect him or her to be enthusiastic about something good that happened to you.
10. Be proud to be seen with your partner. Happy couples are pleased to be seen together and are often in some kind of affectionate contact -- hand on hand or hand on shoulder or knee or back of neck. They are not showing off but rather just saying that they belong with each other.
Even if these actions don't come naturally, happy couples stick with them until they do become a part of their relationship. They know that it takes 30 days for a change in behavior to become a habit, and a minimum of six months for a habit to become a way of life and love.
################################################################
15 Secrets of Happy Families
Experts reveal the key ingredients to a happy family life.
From the Brady Bunch and Partridge Family to the Cleavers, Cunninghams, and Cosbys, images of happy families have rarely been in short supply. We all have ideas about what they should look like.
Does yours fit the portrait of a happy family? If not, don't despair. Now WebMD is letting you in on a few of the secrets to a happy family. You, too, can experience some of the domestic bliss that seemed previously reserved just for TV families.
Happy Family Secret No. 1: Enjoy Each Other
The essence of a happy family is that they truly uplift each other and that all comes down to how they treat each other, says Rabbi Shmuley Boteach, a New York-based family and relationship counselor and host of The Learning Channel’s Shalom in the Home. There is a joy that characterizes their interaction, says Boteach, father of eight children and author of several books, including the forthcoming Shalom in the Home. Parents come home and the kids are happy to see them and when kids come home, the parents are happy to see them.”
Happy Family Secret No. 2: Swap Stories
When your kids come home, ask them what happened in school and have a story for them, he says. If you come home dejected and not really interested and then five minutes later the TV is on, why would they be happy to see you?
The bottom line, he says, is that when you come home, your kids have to come first. You must drop everything you are doing and always come home with something to share with your kids, whether a story or even the smallest vignette, he says. This way you give your kids something to look forward to. The great bane of family life is boredom and that is what leads to dysfunction, affairs, and kids wanting to be with their friends over family.
Happy Family Secret No. 3: Put the Marriage First
Set a real example of love, Boteach says. The relationship and marriage must come first. Think Carol and Mike Brady of the Brady Bunch and Cliff and Clair Huxtable of the Cosby Show.
There are many families where kids always come first, says Boteach. Then they become substitute providers of love, he says. “That's an unfair burden to put on a kid. It’s also bad for families, he says, “because kids will move out of the house eventually.
Happy Family Secret No. 4: Break Bread Together
Families that eat together, stay together. It's that simple. Family dinners are essential, Boteach says. It’s a time to connect. Have a minimum of four family dinners per week, he suggests.
Happy Family Secret No. 5: Play Together
Have one or two unifying activities that the family does together on a nightly basis, Boteach says. He suggests bedtime stories for young children or reading a chapter from a novel to an older child.
Happy Family Secret No. 6: Put Family Before Friends
In happy families, family comes before friends
Comments