How to potty train your child?

No matter how frustrating they may be, accidents are best handled as matter of factly as possible. Calmly help your child out of his wet clothes and into dry ones. If he wets the bed at night, clean him up and change the sheets, then put him back to bed. Try to be very low key, just as you are when he spills his milk or drops a cookie on the carpet. Although the temptation to scold may be great, it won't help speed toilet training, and neither will punishing your child. These tactics can set up a power struggle or hurt his self-esteem, derailing potty training instead.

Most children will have accidents for up to six months after they're toilet trained. If you're seeing improvement, then things are probably progressing normally. If, however, your child has more accidents than he has successful experiences using the potty, he may not yet be

ready to train

. Try again in a few weeks or months when he seems more receptive. If your child is adjusting to a big change, such as moving to a new home or getting to know a new sibling, wait until things settle down before revisiting toilet training. If you're concerned that something else is causing your child to have trouble with toilet training, you may want to schedule an appointment with his pediatrician to discuss the situation.

If your child refuses to have a bowel movement on the potty, one of the first things to do is check the consistency of her stools. Most kids who refuse to use the toilet and have their bowel movements only in their diapers, training pants, or underwear, have had problems with

constipation.

Make sure your child has soft, formed stools. Hard stools, large stools, or small pebbly stools are all signs of constipation, and the most common reason for stool withholding or "toileting refusal" is that the child has had one or more bowel movements that were painful or uncomfortable.

The best way to soften the consistency of a child's stools is through her diet, by getting her to eat more fiber and by monitoring her intake of dairy products. To calculate the amount of dietary fiber your child is getting, check the nutritional information label on her food or a health book. A good rule of thumb: Children should eat enough grams of fiber to equal their age plus five. (For example, a 4-year-old needs 9 grams of fiber each day.) It's also best if the fiber is distributed equally among your preschooler's three meals, rather than eaten all at once.

It can take weeks, sometimes months, for a child to get over having a painful bowel movement. Parents often think their child has an accident because she is angry or resentful, but according to doctors, this is rarely the case. A child may have accidents because she holds back her painful stools until she can't hold them anymore.

Once your child is routinely having soft, formed bowel movements, keep track of when she has them to see if there is any pattern to them. If you can tell that it's about time for her to poop, encourage her to sit on the toilet.

I also recommend what I call toilet sits — encouraging your child to sit on the toilet or potty several times a day, without any pressure to have a bowel movement. These "sits" are more to get her accustomed to sitting on the toilet than to get her to use it. It's all right for her to do a dozen toilet sits each day without ever having a bowel movement there. Your goal is to help her learn to relax while sitting on the toilet.

Make certain that your child can place her feet firmly on the floor, if she's on a potty chair, or on a step stool if she's on the regular toilet. Being able to plant her feet on the floor means that she can get on and off the potty or toilet easily, that she feels stable and secure when seated, and that she can push with her feet to give her leverage. All of these are important to independent toilet use.

You probably know this by now, but it's hard to maintain your child's interest in anything unless she really wants to stay engaged — especially if it's taking her a while to learn a new skill or if she's had a few setbacks or frustrations. Some parents offer

rewards

such as stickers or treats when their child poops in the potty for the first time or stays dry for a certain number of days in a row. You can also reinforce your child's desire to leave babyhood behind by talking up the delights of wearing big-kid underpants all day long. Or celebrate a diaper-free day with a special privilege, such as staying up a bit later than usual to cuddle together and watch a video or read picture books. Sometimes a little excitement is all it takes to motivate your child. But if despite all your encouragement

potty training

is just not grabbing your child's attention the way you'd like it to, try to stay relaxed. If you push her too hard or she feels the pace is too fast, she may react to the pressure by slowing down rather than speeding up. She may even regress and start refusing to do whatever she has been doing up to that point. Let her feel that this is her big adventure, and that you're her biggest fan.