How to tickle your funny bone with your kid

You shouldn't overreact to your child's negative feelings. It's normal for kids to become oversensitive or clingy or nervous at times because of something in their environment, but it's not an unhappiness.

For better or worse, children pick up on their parents' moods. Even young babies imitate their parents' emotional style, which actually activates specific neural pathways.

In other words, when you smile, your child smiles and his brain becomes wired for smiling. But be genuine your child will sense if you're acting. If you make a point of enjoying small things and saying what you're grateful for, you'll be a positive role model for your child.

The first key to creating a happy child says Hallowell. Connect with them, play with them, he advises. If you're having fun with them, they're having fun. If you create what I call a 'connected childhood,' that is by far the best step to guarantee your child will be happy.

Unstructured play allows her to discover what she loves to do build cities out of blocks, teach counting to her stuffed animals which can point her toward a career that will seem like a lifetime of play. Play doesn't mean after-school lessons, organized sports, and other structured, enriching activities. Play is when children invent, create, and daydream.

Hallowell's prescription for creating lifelong happiness includes a surprising twist: Happy people are often those who have mastered a skill. For example, when your child practices catching a ball, he learns from his mistakes, he develops persistence and discipline, and then he experiences the joy of succeeding due to his own efforts.

He also reaps the reward of gaining recognition from others for his accomplishment. Most important, he discovers he has some control over his life: If he tries to do something, he has the satisfaction of finding that, with persistence, he can eventually do it. Research shows that this feeling of control through mastery is an important factor in determining adult happiness.

Hallowell agrees that allowing children a range of experiences, even the difficult or frustrating ones, helps build the reservoir of inner strength that leads to happiness. Whether a child's 7 months old and trying to crawl or 7 years old and struggling with subtraction, Hallowell tells parents, he'll get better at dealing with adversity simply by grappling with it successfully again and again.

Children need to know that it's okay to be unhappy sometimes it's simply part of life. And if we try to squelch any unhappiness, we may be sending the message that it's wrong to feel sad. We need to let them experience their feelings, including sadness.

They learn that no matter what happens, they can find a solution. This doesn't mean children shouldn't ask for help if they need it, but your role is to help them find a solution, not provide it for them. Learning to deal with life's inevitable frustrations and setbacks is critical to your child's future happiness.

Developmental experts who've studied humor say a childhood filled with laughter and fun has benefits that last a lifetime. A sense of humor offers a huge advantage in life, says Lawrence J. Cohen, author of Playful Parenting and a psychologist specializing in children's play. It's one of the best ways people have figured out how to cope with things that are difficult. A child who can easily tap his funny bone is more likely to make strong friendships, be well-liked by peers, and as an adult get along with colleagues at work, manage frustration, diffuse conflict, and suffer less from depression. A sense of humor is also linked to intelligence, self-esteem, creativity, and problem solving.

What's more, humor offers parents rare insight into their children's cognitive development. As humor expert Paul McGhee points out, humor is a form of intellectual play. In infants, laughter is initially stimulated by physical play (tickling, raspberries, and very gentle rough-and-tumble). But as early as 6 or 7 months, when babies start to gain a clearer sense of their world and how it works, they begin taking pleasure in seeing that known world turned on its head the very essence of humor.

Seeing your child get the joke is a sign that he's developing significant intellectual skills. So celebrate when your infant gurgles with glee over a game of peekaboo, your 1-year-old titters madly when you sing Mary Had a Little Lamb in a Tweety Bird voice, your preschooler giggles wildly when you hold a shoe to your ear and say, Hello?, or your 7-year-old pulls off his first pun.

Parents who laugh often and easily with their children understand that humor is an invaluable parenting tool, one that can be used to discipline without conflict. Moms and dads accustomed to yukking it up with their children also find it's a way to stay close.

The best part? Play and laughter, the foundations of humor, are part of our genetic makeup and preceded human language. Robert R. Provine, author of Laughter: A Scientific Investigation and professor of psychology and neuroscience at the University of Maryland, Baltimore County, says thepha-hamp sound of laughter evolved from the sound we make in physical childhood play the panting sound of our breathing when engaged in, say, tickling and rough-and-tumble activities.

The key, says Provine, is that a baby's earliest laughter, and most humor that follows in childhood and into adulthood, is an elemental form of social bonding. It could be said that humor, a more sophisticated means to evoke giggles and guffaws, is a way to re-create that unadulterated joy of childhood laughter when we're completely engaged with another person.

Funny like me
Can humor be taught, or is it an inherited trait like left-handedness and green eyes? While some children seem to be born with a bubbly, good-natured disposition, developmental psychologists say humor can be taught. Think of it as a muscle (one no doubt near the funny bone) that needs to be strengthened and worked regularly.

So what's the secret to teaching your child to get in touch with his inner comedian? Rush out to enroll your toddler in mommy and me stand-up classes? Happily, it's more straightforward than that. If you want to have a fun and funny child, there's no better role model than you.

Being funny shouldn't be another burden to add to an already hefty parenting to-do list (8 a.m.: Make clown pancakes; 1 p.m.: Tell an elephant joke; 5 p.m.: Slip on a banana peel). You don't need to be Ellen DeGeneres to get a laugh. All you need to do is tap into your silliest self.

Fortunately, you have years to develop your act, starting with your goofiest material for baby. Tickle her toes and sing Itsy Bitsy Spidermp in a ridiculous voice. To crack up your toddler, put a shoe on your head and a hat on your foot. Pick up your 4-year-old's favorite action hero and have him announce what's on the menu for dinner.

This isn't to suggest that your household has to be Comedy Central 24/7. But there's plenty of room for playfulness. In an age when parenting can feel like such serious business, with somber advice on the perils of toilet training too late and the importance of signing up for the best preschool on time, it's worth remembering that fun and games have their place.

Humor and fun make your household run more smoothly

Spencer and her kids yuk it up at the beach
says Paula Spencer, mother of four and author of Momfidence!: An Oreo Never Killed Anybody and Other Secrets of Happier Parenting. It helps kids feel more relaxed and confident and have more goodwill toward you.mp Plus, a funny thing happens on your way to making your child giggle. As scientists attest, laughter is indeed infectious. Once you get your child guffawing, you'll find yourself in stitches too.

And why not have fun? You're in the parenting gig for a good 18 years. Your family might as well have a few good laughs along the way.

10 ways to build your childs self esteem

Excerpts from baby center

Nurturing your preschooler's self-esteem may seem like a hefty responsibility. After all, a feeling of self-worth lays the foundation for your preschooler's future as he sets out to try new things on his own. "Self-esteem comes from having a sense of belonging, believing that we're capable, and knowing our contributions are valued and worthwhile," says California family therapist Jane Nelsen, co-author of the Positive Discipline series.

"As any parent knows, self-esteem is a fleeting experience," says Nelsen. "Sometimes we feel good about ourselves and sometimes we don't. What we're really trying to teach our kids are life skills like resiliency." Your goal as a person is to ensure that your child develops pride and self-respect — in himself and in his cultural roots — as well as faith in his ability to handle life's challenges (for a preschooler that may mean copying capital letters accurately). Here are ten simple strategies to help boost your child's self-esteem:

Give unconditional love. A child's self-esteem flourishes with the kind of no-strings-attached devotion that says, "I love you, no matter who you are or what you do." Your child benefits the most when you accept him for who he is regardless of his strengths, difficulties, temperament, or abilities. So lavish him with love. Give him plenty of cuddles, kisses, and pats on the shoulder. And don't forget to tell him how much you love him. When you do have to correct your child, make it clear that it's his behavior — not him — that's unacceptable. For instance, instead of saying, "You're a naughty boy! Why can't you be good?" say, "Pushing Gabriel isn't nice. It can hurt. Please don't push."

Pay attention. Carve out time to give your preschooler your undivided attention. That does wonders for your child's self-worth because it sends the message that you think he's important and valuable. It doesn't have to take a lot of time; it just means taking a moment to stop flicking through the mail if he's trying to talk with you or turning off the TV long enough to answer a question. Make eye contact so it's clear that you're really listening to what he's saying. When you're strapped for time, let your child know it without ignoring his needs. Say, "Tell me all about the picture you drew, and then when you're finished, I'll need to make our dinner."

Teach limits. Establish a few reasonable rules for your preschooler. For instance, if you tell your child he has to eat his snack in the kitchen, don't let him wander around the family room with his crackers and fruit the next day. Or if you tell him to put his dirty clothes in the laundry basket, don't say it's okay to pile them on the floor. Knowing that certain family rules are set in stone will help him feel more secure. It may take constant repetition on your part, but he'll start to live by your expectations soon enough. Just be clear and consistent and show him that you trust him to do the right thing.

Support healthy risks. Encourage your child to explore something new, such as trying a different food, finding a best pal, or riding a bike. Though there's always the possibility of failure, without risk there's little opportunity for success. So let your child safely experiment, and resist the urge to intervene. For instance, try not to "rescue" him if he's showing mild frustration at figuring out a new toy. Even jumping in to say, "I'll do it" can foster dependence and diminish your child's confidence. You'll build his self-esteem by balancing your need to protect him with his need to tackle new tasks.

Let mistakes happen. The flip side, of course, of having choices and taking risks is that sometimes your child is bound to make mistakes. These are valuable lessons for your child's confidence. So if your child puts his plate too close to the edge of the table and it tips, encourage him to think about what he might do differently next time. That way his self-esteem won't sag and he'll understand that it's okay to make mistakes sometimes. When you goof up yourself, admit it, says Daniel Meier, assistant professor of elementary education at San Francisco State University. Acknowledging and recovering from your mistakes sends a powerful message to your child — it makes it easier for your child to accept his own shortcomings.

Celebrate the positive. Everyone responds well to encouragement, so make an effort to acknowledge the good things your child does every day within his earshot. For instance, tell his dad, "Joshua washed all the vegetables for dinner." He'll get to bask in the glow of your praise and his dad's heartening response. And be specific. Instead of saying "Good job," say, "Thank you for waiting so patiently in line." This will enhance his sense of accomplishment and self-worth and let him know exactly what he did right.

Listen well. If your child needs to talk, stop and listen to what he has to say. He needs to know that his thoughts, feelings, desires, and opinions matter. Help him get comfortable with his emotions by labeling them. Say, "I understand you're sad because you have to say bye to your school pals." By accepting his emotions without judgment, you validate his feelings and show that you value what he has to say. If you share your own feelings ("I'm excited about going to the zoo"), he'll gain confidence expressing his own.

Resist comparisons. Comments such as "Why can't you be more like your sister?" or "Why can't you be nice like Peter?" will just remind your child of where he struggles in a way that fosters shame, envy, and competition. Even positive comparisons, such as "You're the best player" are potentially damaging because a child can find it hard to live up to this image. If you let your child know you appreciate him for the unique individual he is, he'll be more likely to value himself too.

Offer empathy. If your child compares himself unfavorably to his siblings or peers ("Why can't I catch a ball like Sophia?"), show him empathy and then emphasize one of his strengths. For instance, say, "You're right. Sophia is good at catching. And you're good at painting pictures." This can help your child learn that we all have strengths and weaknesses, and that he doesn't have to be perfect to feel good about himself.

Provide encouragement. Every child needs the kind of support from loved ones that signals, "I believe in you. I see your effort. Keep going!" Encouragement means acknowledging progress — not just rewarding achievement. So if your preschooler is struggling to fasten his snaps, say, "You're trying very hard and you almost have it!" instead of "Not like that. Let me do it."

There's a difference between praise and encouragement. One rewards the task while the other rewards the person ("You did it!" rather than "I'm proud of you!"). Praise can make a child feel that he's only "good" if he does something perfectly. Encouragement, on the other hand, acknowledges the effort. "Tell me about your drawing. I see that you like purple" is more helpful than saying, "That's the most beautiful picture I've ever seen." Too much praise can sap self-esteem because it can create pressure to perform and set up a continual need for approval from others. So dole out the praise judiciously and offer encouragement liberally; it will your child grow up to feel good about himself.

Fun activities to promote listening skills

Do you feel as if you spend more time talking at your child than to her? Many children have notoriously selective listening skills — they hear what they want and seem to tune out the rest. But listening is a skill that we can help our children improve. Like a muscle, it needs constant exercise to grow stronger.

Here are some games and activities to boost your child's listening skills. Because children learn in different ways, the games are arranged by learning style. If you're not sure what type of learner your child is, take our quiz. But any child can benefit from the suggestions in all three categories.

For auditory learners
Talk to your child all the time. Tell her about an interesting story you read in the newspaper. Describe a conversation you had at work with a friend. When you go shopping for clothes, tell her about the shopping trips that you used to take with your mom. Get in the habit of narrating everyday chores. If you're in the kitchen together while you're making dinner, for example, you can say, "I need to measure out two cups of water and then add one cup of rice..." It may not seem as if your child is paying attention — but she is. Don't be surprised if you hear her repeating something you said when she talks to someone else. And remember: Children are natural mimics, so watch your language!

Make reading an interactive activity. When reading a book to your child, stop before turning the page and say, "What do you think will happen next?" Ask her to explain her answer to see how well she's listened to what you've read so far. If she seems unsure about what happened, start again.

Ask your child to predict how a story will end. Read a book aloud to your child and stop just before the last page. Ask her to guess how the story will turn out, based on what she's already heard. Then finish the story and discuss the ending with your child. Was her prediction accurate, or was there a surprise ending? If the latter, were there any clues to the ending planted earlier in the story?

Revisit an old favorite. Bring out one of your child's most dog-eared, battered books and read it aloud yet again, only this time pause at key points to let her supply the words that come next. Or read the story and purposely change key details to see how well your child is paying attention. If she hears something that's not quite right, she'll be sure to correct you.

Listen to stories together. We never outgrow our delight at hearing stories told aloud. Libraries, bookstores, and community centers usually have read-aloud story times for young children. Go to fairs and community events at which professional storytellers will be performing. And borrow or buy books on tape for the car or the house.

Make up silly rhymes. The more absurd, the better. ("The fat cat ate the hat. Then the rat ate the fat cat who ate the hat...") This activity will teach your child to listen for words that sound the same and to identify rhyming patterns.

For physical learners
Listen to music tapes. Eve Ackert, an early-childhood education teacher in Connecticut, recommends the Kids in Motion creative-movement series. To learn the movements for each song, your child will have to listen closely to the lyrics. It's also great exercise!

Play listening games. You can rely on old favorites, like Simon Says, or make up your own simple listening games. For example, you can say, "I'm going to give you a mission. I want you to bring me the following items: a hairbrush from your bedroom and a slipper from your sister's room." Each round, you can add one item, and give her a prize at the end. For the rules to more great listening games, see telephone, rain and animal noises in our Activity Finder. You can also find games and worksheets that build listening skills at stores that sell teachers' supplies.

Cook together. Find a recipe, read the directions out loud, and let your child do the measuring, mixing, stirring, and pouring.

Use puppets or a tape recorder to relay instructions. Your preschooler may choose to ignore you when you ask her to tidy her room, but she may comply happily if the request comes from one of her favorite puppets. Or make cleanup a game by taping your instructions: "Pick up your dolls and put them on the shelf. Then put your clothes in the hamper."

Play "story chain." Everyone in the family will enjoy this. Have one person begin a story ("Once upon a time, there was a little boy who lived in a tree house in the woods"), and then have another contribute the next sentence, and so on. Because each person has to listen to what came before to advance the story, this game enhances listening skills. If your child is too young to extend a plot line, ask her to supply specific details: "What color was the tree house? Did any friends visit him there? What kind of animals lived near him in the woods?"

For visual learners
"Read" a song together. Buy a music tape and a corresponding book of lyrics, so you can follow the words along with the music. Even beginning readers can pretend to read a songbook.

Watch a child's video or television show together. Shows such as Arthur, Sesame Street, and Blue's Clues are designed for parent participation. Ask your child to tell you what the characters are saying and doing.

How to raise a child who listens well

How to raise a child who listens well - From Baby Center

Being a good listener is critical to your child's success at school. If he can't follow directions, whether on the playground ("Pick a partner and pass the ball back and forth across the field") or in the classroom ("Take out a piece of paper and a crayon") — he'll have a tough time learning. Children who are good listeners also have an advantage socially — they tend to be very good friends to others.

Here are seven ways you can help your child become a better listener:

Be a good listener yourself
Don't interrupt your child when he's telling you a story. Give him your undivided attention when he's talking — don't read the paper or carry on a conversation with someone else at the same time. Turn your attention to him when he wants to tell or show you something. If you want him to listen to you, he needs to see that you will listen to him too. Children return the respect they receive — and children who are listened to tend to become good listeners themselves.

Give clear, simple directions for everyday tasks
Get in the habit of giving your child simple instructions. Make eye contact with him, and say, "Please go into your room and make your bed. Then get your backpack and meet me downstairs." As he becomes a better listener, you can add another task or two. In this way, you're not only teaching your child to listen well, but also to be independent.

Praise good listening
Saying "Thanks for being such a good listener" will reinforce your child's desire to listen. Make a special point of praising him when he follows directions the first time.

Say what you mean
If you tell your child "You can have two more cookies," then give him two cookies — not three or four. Once your child figures out that you don't stick to your word, he'll tune you out.

Be consistent about consequences
If you tell your child that you will leave the grocery store if he continues to stand up in the cart, follow through without giving him another chance. Your child will be more inclined to do what is asked of him when he understands that his actions have clear, enforceable consequences.

Read aloud together
The time you spend reading together will help prepare your child for story time at school. He'll be expected to sit still for longer and longer periods so anything you can do at home to help him increase his tolerance for listening will help. But don't force your fidgety preschooler to listen to books he's not interested in — this will make him less rather than more interested in reading.